TWELVE COMMANDMENTS
FOR DIVORCING/DIVORCED PARENTS

This list, which was authored by Mr. Meiselman, was first published by Ann Landers in her nationally syndicated column on January 23, 1994. © 1993, 1994 Neal J. Meiselman

1. Never make visitation arrangements directly with children under twelve (at a minimum).

2. Never suggest visitation arrangements you have not previously discussed with the other parent. Always confirm with the other parent any visitation arrangements made with children twelve and older. (I suggest doing everything in writing until a good relationship has been established).

3. Send and return children who are clean, well rested and fed. Do not send or return a sack or suitcase full of soiled clothes.

4. Do not use a telephone answering device to screen calls from the other parent or limit telephone access between your children and the other parent. Except after your children’s actual bedtime, not the bedtime you would like them to have.

5. Do not discuss divorce disputes with you children or allow them to hear you discussing your differences with the other parent regarding them.

6. Do not send messages or money with your children.

7. Do not speak ill of the other parent or of his/her relative, friends or loved ones.

8. Do not ask your children for information about the other parent’s household, friends, income or activities.

9. Do not believe everything you hear your children say about their other parent, his/her relatives and friends or anyone else.

10. Do not second guess the other parent regarding discipline, rewards or anything else. (I recommend writing down agreed upon reward/disciplinary measures).

11. Give a sympathetic ear to your children, but affirm and reaffirm as often as necessary that you are not a referee or a mediator between your children and the other parent.

12. Be courteous; do not honk your horn for your child to come out. Walk to the other parent’s door, but don’t go inside unless invited, Have the children ready to go. Always be on time. Smile and be pleasant. (These recommendations apply unless there is a legal reason not to do so).

About the Author - Mr. Meiselman is a graduate of the University of Maryland (B.A. 1975) and Boston University Law School (J.D. 1978). To learn more about him, his firm and other publications written by him, follow his link www.mdfamlaw.com.

Note: This sheet was handed out at a Parent Alienation Seminar which I attended. This is not in anyway the opinion or recommendation of DADS 101 Multimedia Group. However, I feel that it is worth putting in.

-Editor