STICKS AND STONES...

Single parents, particularly those recently separated and dealing with custody issues can face high stress levels. For these people, knowing a bit more about stress and having some tricks for dealing with it may come in quite helpful. Unfortunately, extensive knowledge of what stress is and how it affects the body won’t necessarily make us any better at handling it. Although I did a research residency in stress, and have written and taught about it for years, I have still been surprised by occasional stress related illnesses.

Just as art experts aren’t necessarily great artists, extensive knowledge about stress doesn’t protect you from it. Regular practice of stress reduction techniques is a requirement for stress control. There are no “magic bullets” to reduce stress and though there are some pharmaceutical and nutritional products that may be of help short term, stress control is more about what you “do” than what you “take”. It is generally acknowledged that a modest amount of stress is good for us; however there is a point at which more stress begins to do harm. This is the point at which stress becomes distress.

An interesting feature of our nervous system is what is known as the fight or flight response. When we perceive a threat, either physical or emotional, the fight or flight response initiates. The strength of the response is normally relative to the strength of the threat. As we will see further on however, this isn’t always the case. The fight or flight response is mediated by hormones released into the circulation primarily from the adrenal glands. These hormones travel throughout the body, almost instantly producing a great many reactions. It is known that muscles tighten, pupils dilate, digestion slows, heart rate increases, breathing increases, brainwave patterns alter, along with multitudes of other changes. All of these responses are designed to maximize your ability to escape or confront the threat in a physical way. Recently however, an interesting finding has come to light. While many physical capacities are heightened during the fight or flight response, many of our higher thinking and creative brain functions are actually diminished. This would explain why many accident or crime victims are hazy on the details afterward. In practical terms, it would make sense that if a car is coming towards you in the wrong lane, you don’t need to decide whether it’s a Honda or a Hyundai, you need to SWERVE. In this circumstance, taking time to think would be more dangerous; we must react first and think later.

The other side of the coin however, is that when we are sufficiently agitated, our critical thinking and creative capacities are diminished. In this circumstance, if we need to respond on an intellectual level, we are now at a disadvantage. The fight or flight response is a primitive reflex designed to enhance our survival when physically challenged. It has helped humans survive for tens of thousands of years. In the last few hundred years however, the circumstances of human existence has changed remarkably. Contrary to the evening news, our lives have become much safer with regard to physical threats. Most of what we refer to as stress these days, now arises due to situations from which we can neither fight nor run [much as we might like to]. More often than not, we are having a fight or flight response when what would serve us best is some mental clarity. Or put another way, the ideal response when being chased by a bear, is different from that required when being chased by a lawyer. How we manage our primitive stress response in the modern world is a subject worthy of its own book. [Ok, ok, I’m working on it]. What I can offer at this point is a number of suggestions and practices that will help to deal with stress more effectively. If the headings below seem a little silly, they’re meant to be. My hope is that the silly part will stick in your memory and help you recall the stress reduction tool in times of need.

STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT WORDS CAN NEVER HURT ME!
Words, phone calls, or letters cannot themselves physically harm us; what they may pose is a threat. The thing about threats is that they don’t always come true, and they usually give us time for a measured response.

Tool: You don’t likely have to respond instantly. Take the necessary time in order to calmly respond; your thinking will be clearer and you are less likely to provoke the situation. Time is on your side, use it to calm down and think clearly.

HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGY IN THE WINDOW?
Would you go into a store and deliberately ask to pay more for an item than its price? Not likely. So why would you over respond to your latest problem; it’s the same thing isn’t it? If the threat of that car coming at you in the wrong lane is 9.5 out of 10, why would you respond the same to a flat tire or someone cursing you? Road rage is a perfect example of where a relatively minor event evokes an over the top response. There have even been cases of murder associated with road rage, a perfect example of fight or flight out of control.

Remember at the beginning when I said the strength of the fight or flight response is normally relative to the degree of threat? When we are over absorbed or dwell excessively on what is wrong we can amplify the stress response, in other words, we overspend.

Tool: Ask yourself - on a scale of 1-10, what is this problem? What will it mean 7 years from now? Remind yourself of past problems that caused you major stress. Did they either resolved themselves spontaneously, or at least turn out to be a lot less trouble than you thought they’d be? As an example, I remember a neighbor who was very stressed as a result of losing his job with a big energy company. Two years later he was working as a consultant to that company and others, earning more than twice what he had originally earned. What he had been so stressed about was actually a blessing.

BRAINSTORMING!
We can trigger a stress response by simply imagining something. In trying to prepare for future problems, we imagine what might happen and what we would do. If we’re good at it, the whole body responds as if it is really happening. It’s fun to hook people up to a biofeedback machine then ask them to imagine a particular situation: a call from the “ex”, a bill collector, or income tax notice. The biofeedback machine tells us that simply imagining something can cause a stress response. People are often surprised at the degree of this response, particularly if it happens to be a “touchy issue”.

Tool: Prepare as best you can for future situations, but going over and over and over possible outcomes will not solve anything, it will only amplify your stress. Can you think of a commercial on television or radio that you really hate, yet they seem to play constantly? Why would you repeatedly play a thought that you hate, isn’t it about the same thing? Practice not getting emotional about your thoughts. Remember they’re only your thoughts. Your thoughts are not necessarily reality unless you make them so.

BRAINBEACHING!
Hey wait a minute! If imagining a problem can trigger a stress response, what would happen when you do the opposite and imagine something peaceful and relaxing? If you can imagine yourself into stress, can you imagine yourself out of stress? The answer is an unconditional YES. The same biofeedback machine will tell you that if you effectively imagine relaxing on your favorite beach or fishing beside your favorite stream, your fight or flight response will slowly melt away. Sadly though, it seems we spend more time, and get better at imagining catastrophes than we do imagining bliss. What a mistake!

Tool: Make a regular practice of sitting comfortably, breathing deeply, and with eyes closed putting yourself in one of your favorite places. Don’t be upset if it doesn’t all come together on the first try; neither did worrying, but then again you probably don’t remember that do you? The more you integrate all of your senses, the better. Smell the salt water, hear the waves, feel the warmth of the sun. Got the idea? Create that place where you can relax. With practice you can get there quicker than on a Boeing 747 and you can go there whenever you have a few minutes. If the above process inspires you, explore meditation, that’s what it is in a simple form. Meditation itself is more than just a way of controlling stress; it is a way of living longer and happier.

FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY STING LIKE A BEE!
If the stress response is designed to help protect us from physical threats but can impair our mental and emotional clarity, how can we get back to normal if something has really agitated us? What if that primitive response has already caused us to release hormones for running or fighting but we would really like to relax. The answer is just “burn them”.

Just as your body doesn’t know the difference between imaginary threats or real threats, it doesn’t know the difference between running from a bear and running for a Frisbee. Vigorous activity causes you to metabolize stress hormones. Some studies have shown the more vigorous the better. Even better yet, you get to hit something in the process.

Enter the executive squash game. Exercise of this nature is very helpful for relieving stress, as many highly stressed people have discovered. Most of us have experienced “post exercise relaxation” at some point in our lives, but many have become too busy or preoccupied with life’s problems to exercise. Exercise is probably the best single health promoting activity any of us could do anyway.

Tool: Try to establish a regular exercise habit. Think about it this way - you can use your stress to make you healthier if you actively “burn it off”.

I hope you’re able to use some of these tools to your benefit. With practice they can make your life much easier, even open new vistas. Remember though, if things seem too out of control, there are professionals who can help you. As much as we all like to be “do-it-your-selfers”, there is a time to ask for expert help. Even those of us in practice, consult other professionals when required. Stress overload can affect the quality and even length of our lives, a little attention to stress reduction can reap great benefits.

Dr. Ken Pepperdine is a Chiropractor in Nanaimo, British Columbia who has been practicing for 28 years. He has a Reasearch Residency and has studied and written about Stress related topics for many years.

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